FREQUENTLY ASKED
QUESTIONS
Below is a list of Frequently Asked Questions. Feel free to reach out to AEL if your question is not listed.
General Questions
What is AEL?
AEL is a community dedicated to education, social connection, and fostering a safe, welcoming environment for adults interested in BDSM, kink, power exchange, and alternative relationship dynamics. Whether you’re brand new or have years of experience, AEL provides opportunities to learn, meet others, and build community.
Is AEL a dating service?
No. AEL is not a dating or matchmaking service. While friendships and relationships sometimes develop naturally, our focus is education, community, consent, and personal growth.
Do I have to be experienced?
Not at all. Many of our regular attendees started out with no knowledge! Beginners are welcome, and we encourage questions and learning.
Is membership required?
Nope! AEL does not have members, just attendees and organizers.
What kinds of events does AEL offer?
Our calendar includes educational classes, Power Munches, social gatherings, workshops, demonstrations, and monthly play parties. Event descriptions include information about what to expect.
Is AEL a swing club?
No, AEL is not a swing club. For legal reasons, our parties do not allow penetration or stimulation with intent to induce orgasm; however, many attendees enjoy attending the party with their dates, and what they do after they leave the party is their business! ;)
Does AEL take cards or digital payments?
Since AEL is not a business, we do not take Venmo, Zelle, Cashapp, or cards for parties. The purchases for the PowerMunch are at the discretion of the venue.
For Newcomers
Where do I start?
Before attending an AEL play party for the first time, we strongly recommend that everyone new to AEL:
- Carefully review AEL’s Rules of Attendance
- Read and understand this article: Privacy Matters: Protecting Ourselves & Each Other
These policies provide a great introduction to AEL. They’re also an important first step in becoming not only a part of a community, but also part of an ongoing dialogue about what it means to keep our space inclusive, respectful, and safe.
Whether new to the community or a long-time AEL participant, it is your responsibility to understand what you can expect from AEL and what AEL expects of you.
What do I wear?
We recommend wearing something that makes you feel attractive, confident and comfortable so that you can focus on just being yourself.
Power Munches
At Power Munches, attire must be street legal and family friendly. Some people dress to impress, others go casual and comfortable. Please keep in mind that we are guests at the restaurant, and we will be present along with their normal clientele.
Play Parties
At AEL play parties, attire must be street legal only until you enter the party location. Once you enter the party location, you can wear anything — and as much or as little — as you like
Is it OK to come alone?
Yes, and many people do. AEL is a great place to meet people, so the more you come to the events & activities the more people you’ll meet. Before you know it, you’ll be eager to get to the party to see familiar faces and spend time with friends.
Can I bring friends?
Absolutely! When attending a Power Munch, there’s no need to RSVP and you can bring as many friends as you’d like.
And, when planning to attend a monthly Play Party, it is required that you RSVP ahead of time AND include the first name of each person attending. All newcomers will be required to show a legal ID when entering the play party for their first time.
What kinds of events does AEL offer?
Our calendar includes educational classes, Power Munches, social gatherings, workshops, demonstrations, and monthly play parties. Event descriptions include information about what to expect.
Power Munch Questions
What is a Power Munch?
A Power Munch is a casual gathering at a local restaurant where members and newcomers meet for conversation, community, and an educational presentation on a BDSM-related topic.
Do I have to buy food?
There is no charge to attend the Power Munch, but we ask attendees to support our host restaurant by purchasing a meal or beverage.
Can I come alone?
Absolutely! Many people attend their first Power Munch by themselves. Our volunteers work to make newcomers feel welcome and comfortable.
Is there any play at a Power Munch?
No. Power Munches are public social gatherings held in restaurants. There is no BDSM play or nudity.
Play Party Questions
What is a play party?
A play party is a private event where consenting adults may participate in or observe BDSM activities in a respectful, rules-based environment.
Can I just watch?
Yes. No one is ever required to participate. Many first-time attendees simply observe, socialize, and become familiar with the environment.
What should I wear?
Most attendees wear neat casual clothing when arriving. Some people choose to change into fetish wear or scene attire once inside.
How much does it cost?
Play parties are $10 per person or per couple unless otherwise noted. A “couple” here is defined as any two people in a party together, rather than a romantic or sexual couple!
Where are play parties held?
Play parties are hosted in a private member’s home. The address is shared only with registered attendees.
Do I have to play?
No. Participation is always optional. Many attendees come simply to observe, learn, or socialize.
Can I take pictures?
Absolutely not. Photography and video recording are prohibited unless specifically authorized by event organizers.
Safety & Consent
What is a safeword?
A safeword is a pre-arranged word that immediately communicates the need to slow down or stop a scene. Every participant should understand and respect safewords before play begins.
What if someone makes me uncomfortable?
Speak with an event host or Dungeon Monitor (DM) immediately. AEL takes member safety, consent, and respectful behavior seriously.
Are Dungeon Monitors present?
Yes. Dungeon Monitors help oversee the play space, answer questions, encourage safety, and assist if problems arise.
Are scenes negotiated beforehand?
Yes. Participants are expected to discuss limits, expectations, safewords, and consent before engaging in any scene.
Community
Can I bring a friend?
Yes, provided they meet the event requirements and are willing to follow AEL’s rules and code of conduct.
Is my privacy protected?
Yes. Members are expected to respect everyone’s privacy and confidentiality. “Outing” another member or discussing someone’s participation outside the community without permission is not acceptable.
What if I’m shy or nervous?
That’s completely normal. Many members felt exactly the same way before attending their first event. We encourage newcomers to introduce themselves to an organizer—we’re happy to help you feel welcome.
What if I’m not sure BDSM is for me?
That’s okay! Learning is one of the reasons AEL exists. You are welcome to attend educational events, ask questions, and decide at your own pace.
Rules
Do I have to read the rules?
Yes. All attendees are expected to read, understand, and follow AEL’s Rules before attending events. These rules help ensure a safe, respectful, and enjoyable experience for everyone.
What happens if someone breaks the rules?
Depending on the situation, violations may result in a warning, removal from an event, suspension, or permanent removal from AEL activities. The safety of our community is our highest priority.