One of the values that helps make the BDSM community welcoming and safe is a shared commitment to privacy. While some people are open about their involvement in kink, others choose to keep that part of their lives private for personal, professional, or family reasons. Respecting those choices is one of the simplest—and most meaningful — ways we can support one another. Privacy isn’t just about protecting information—it’s about protecting trust.
Protecting someone’s privacy means more than simply keeping a secret. It means recognizing that you may know someone from the community, but you don’t know who else knows they’re part of the community. Giving each person the freedom to decide when, where, and with whom they share that information is an important act of respect.
Protecting Privacy Means:
- Asking permission before taking or sharing photographs.
- Never tagging or identifying someone on social media without their explicit permission.
- Allowing people to decide whether they want to acknowledge you first if you see them outside of a community event.
- Avoiding conversations in public about Power Munches, play parties, or other BDSM events unless the other person brings them up first.
- Keeping personal stories, relationship details, dynamics, and scenes confidential unless you have permission to share them.
- Respecting that everyone has different reasons for keeping their involvement in the community private.
- When in doubt, choosing discretion.
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Imagine running into someone from the community while shopping or having dinner with family. A friendly smile is always appropriate, but avoid saying something like, “Great seeing you at the play party last weekend!” or asking questions that could unintentionally reveal their involvement to others. Let them decide whether to acknowledge the connection first. If they choose not to, simply enjoy the chance encounter and continue with your day.
At AEL, we believe privacy is everyone’s responsibility. Every thoughtful decision — whether it’s asking before taking a photo, keeping a conversation confidential, or allowing someone else to decide how they wish to be recognized in public — helps strengthen our community. By protecting one another’s privacy, we build the trust that allows people to attend events, ask questions, make friends, and explore at their own pace. Together, we create a community where everyone feels respected, supported, and safe.